also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
