Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think i have herpe
just one?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
