She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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