so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
