You can't motorboat a personality
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
