I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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