getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
