As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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