I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
