He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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