I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
