oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
