My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
