I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize