i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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