My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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