I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
