what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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