i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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