Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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