it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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