my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
