My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
