Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she smelled like a LAN party
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
