he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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