This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
