Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
