Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
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sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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