a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
