I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
