My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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