good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
