every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
