Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
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