The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
