She announced her abortion via fbk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
