My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
