You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
