im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
