you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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