If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
