Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
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