You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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