I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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