You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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