did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
