Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
