I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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