I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
