Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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