glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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