he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
