the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
