Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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