I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
