You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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