I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
