I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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