my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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