To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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