Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This house was built for laser tag.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
