Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
