you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
