i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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