like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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