you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
