I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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