And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
