Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
