she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
