apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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