ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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