The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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