i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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