Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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