she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
