put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
