Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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